I have been teaching now for 2 1/2 years and I have heard stories about and experienced parents demanding some outrageous things for their child. They do so, thinking that these extra services or ways of handling tantrums etc. is what the child needs, when in actuality, these demands, at times, end up doing more harm than good.
With that said; I have devised my own list from the teacher's perspective. Some of these items are very similar, but I felt they were important to reiterate. Since the explanations make this post rather long, I've decided to break it up in into two posts Here are the first five:
Ten Things Your Child's Special Education Teacher Wishes You Knew
1. We are on your team.
Our job is to work with your child and to teach your child the skills he/she needs to know to have a fuller, more independent life. Just like you, our main goal is to do what is best for your child. There may be times when we disagree on things, such as academic goals, amount of services or behavior interventions; but we are not looking to go up against you. Keep an open mind when we voice our concerns and opinions, they come from a genuine place. If you still don't fully agree with us, we can work out a compromise, but only push that after you listen to our reasons.
2. More is not always better.
I've had parents request bus paras, 1:1s and more intensive services for their child who does not need these supports. I understand that these parents think that their child having all of this individualized attention and intensive therapies each year, will help their child progress faster and farther, but that is not always true. As your child gets older, you want the services to decrease, otherwise your child will become dependent on other people instead of learning to rely on himself.
It is also important to have fewer services in middle school and high school, if you are hoping to have your child in a group home when they reach adulthood. Group homes can be great for people with special needs to live as independently as they can, while still having the supports they may need. I worked for an organization where they had a group home that was an apartment building. Each individual had their own apartment and was very independent. They cooked for themselves, walked or took the bus to and from their jobs on their own, and took care of themselves almost completely independently. There was staff on site to ensure safety and supervise the tenants. The staff ran fire drills and aided tenants when they needed it. Good group homes have only so much space, and do not like to take individuals who still require 1:1 support or other intensive therapies. Not only is it expensive, but these homes try to foster independence and that is almost impossible to do if a 20 year old is still receiving Speech, OT or PT 5 times a week.
Even if you never considered placing your child in a group home, you need to think long term. You want your child to be as independent as possible so they can take care of themselves when they get older. What happens when your child outlives you? Especially if he is an only child? The more dependent he is on others, the harder it will be to find someone who is able/willing to look after him.
I teach in an elementary school, so my students' parents aren't thinking very far ahead yet, but you need to. We will never cut or decrease a service that your child absolutely needs. Although it may not seem like it, it is a good thing when a service gets cut. It means your child has progressed so far that he no longer needs that extra support.
3. We want you to ask us for help.
We are not here to judge you. We understand that you may not know everything there is to know about raising a child with special needs. Most of my students' parents have never heard the word Autism until their child was diagnosed with it. We want you to educate yourself to help both you and your child, and at times that can mean asking us questions. We went to school for this we took multiple courses and had to pass multiple tests (at least in NY) in order to be certified; there is a good chance we will have an answer for you. On the off chance we don't, we will give you a name, number or website to go to that will provide you with an answer.
We are thrilled to have parents ask us questions because that means that you are taking an active role in your child's learning, doing all you can to help your child succeed. I personally look forward to parent teacher conferences so I can get a chance to meet with my students' parents, talk about what's going on in school and hear about how they are at home. I encourage parents to come in and talk, write to me in the notebook or call me if they have any questions or need anything, such as Mayer Johnson pictures, social stories etc. We want you to feel comfortable opening up to us about any issues you may be having at home so we can offer some advice to you and even, if possible, work on it in school as well.
4. We need to work together to ensure consistency.
All children, especially those with special needs thrive with consistency. If you punish your child one day for not cleaning his room, but then the next day, let him go out to a party with the room still not cleaned, he's going to learn that he doesn't need to listen to you when you tell him to do something, he just needs to catch you at the right time to get what he wants. One thing all children figure out early on, special needs or not, is how to get what they want. If you tell your child that after he cleans up his toys he can have a snack, and you stick to that everyday no matter how much of a fit he throws, he will learn that no matter what he does he won't get his snack until he cleans up his toys. Now it becomes part of his routine. He now knows that after he's finished playing and he wants a snack, he first needs to clean up his toys and then he will get it. This is where parent-teacher communication is very important. We need to work together especially on problem behaviors to teach your child what is expected of him both in school and at home. We can work on behavior plans and token reward systems to implement at home and in school to help resolve certain issues.
5. We genuinely care about your child.
No matter how many behaviors your child may have, or how cognitively "low" he may be, we honestly and genuinely care for him and want to see him succeed as best he can. Anything we suggest for him, whether it be a change in services, a doctor visit or even medication, we are doing so with the sincere belief that it will benefit your child. I, personally am not sure where I stand on the whole medication debate, however, I've seen medication do wonders for some children. I've also seen it turn kids into drones, so I'm not saying for every parent to go out and drug your child, but if I ever suggest for a parent to take their child to a neurologist and inquire about medication, it is because I sincerely believe it may help him. I will not make any suggestions to make yours or my lives easier if it is not beneficial to my student, because quite honestly, the thing that will make everyone's lives easier in the end is by working diligently with your child and doing what is best for him. When he is happy, healthy and reaching his full potential, then and only then have I done my job.
We are thrilled to have parents ask us questions because that means that you are taking an active role in your child's learning, doing all you can to help your child succeed. I personally look forward to parent teacher conferences so I can get a chance to meet with my students' parents, talk about what's going on in school and hear about how they are at home. I encourage parents to come in and talk, write to me in the notebook or call me if they have any questions or need anything, such as Mayer Johnson pictures, social stories etc. We want you to feel comfortable opening up to us about any issues you may be having at home so we can offer some advice to you and even, if possible, work on it in school as well.
4. We need to work together to ensure consistency.
All children, especially those with special needs thrive with consistency. If you punish your child one day for not cleaning his room, but then the next day, let him go out to a party with the room still not cleaned, he's going to learn that he doesn't need to listen to you when you tell him to do something, he just needs to catch you at the right time to get what he wants. One thing all children figure out early on, special needs or not, is how to get what they want. If you tell your child that after he cleans up his toys he can have a snack, and you stick to that everyday no matter how much of a fit he throws, he will learn that no matter what he does he won't get his snack until he cleans up his toys. Now it becomes part of his routine. He now knows that after he's finished playing and he wants a snack, he first needs to clean up his toys and then he will get it. This is where parent-teacher communication is very important. We need to work together especially on problem behaviors to teach your child what is expected of him both in school and at home. We can work on behavior plans and token reward systems to implement at home and in school to help resolve certain issues.
5. We genuinely care about your child.
No matter how many behaviors your child may have, or how cognitively "low" he may be, we honestly and genuinely care for him and want to see him succeed as best he can. Anything we suggest for him, whether it be a change in services, a doctor visit or even medication, we are doing so with the sincere belief that it will benefit your child. I, personally am not sure where I stand on the whole medication debate, however, I've seen medication do wonders for some children. I've also seen it turn kids into drones, so I'm not saying for every parent to go out and drug your child, but if I ever suggest for a parent to take their child to a neurologist and inquire about medication, it is because I sincerely believe it may help him. I will not make any suggestions to make yours or my lives easier if it is not beneficial to my student, because quite honestly, the thing that will make everyone's lives easier in the end is by working diligently with your child and doing what is best for him. When he is happy, healthy and reaching his full potential, then and only then have I done my job.
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